We spent part of the weekend talking about what to do -- go for the 2nd line chemo even though the 1st line failed, or bail on the high tech medical route and focus on strengthening my own defenses. We talked with all the kids -- Mara & Ellie wanting to try anything that might possibly work, Hamilton & Chris opting for an end to the chemo route. I didn't really get to talk to Jayson, working 14-hour days in the Colorado back-country, until Monday night, after the decision was made.
In the end, we opted to forgo any chemo. I am still relatively symptom free, thank goodness. And I realized I had absolutely no faith the 2nd line chemo would do anything, except make me tired. I think it is important to believe what you are doing will work, and I sure didn't believe it would help.
The other part of the decision, for me, that Tony helped clarify, is that I don't like the passive patient role, being done to, having the drugs infused, being poked & scanned. Anyone who knows me even the slightest bit knows passivity is not my thing. I like to take charge, to have a sense of control. So I am working on some diet modification (I really can't abide a full macrobiotic diet, in large part because of what you can't eat, not what you eat), and I've already booked with my personal trainer a slew of almost daily half-hour sessions, to build up my strength & stamina.
Then, Leo sun-worshiper that I am, we booked two weeks in Florida in early January and also took a deep breath and committed to a month in February, hoping I'll be in shape for it. Both trips certainly give me something to look forward to, and various kids may come visit some. We are hoping Mara will come with us for February. (She'll probably use our Jan. trip to go back to Austin & close up her apt., put her stuff in storage, and drive her car back here.)
We will meet with Dr. Sunkin Monday to get a copy of my chart to have with me in Florida & to discuss any symptom control measures he might suggest. He didn't argue our decision at all.
Having made the decision, I felt the most energetic I've felt in months on Monday, and I still feel good today, Tuesday. Tony & I have talked over the years about how difficult it is to get off the high-tech medical track once you get on it, whatever the disease. It feels good to recognize that this is the right time to step away from it. I certainly don't feel like I am giving up, by any means. I feel instead like I am taking control and it is very energizing. We may return to high tech medical treatment at some point in the future, for symptom control. I don't feel like we've slammed the door shut forever, but closed it gently for now.
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hi Vickie, it sounds like you all have made the right decision for you and that is what makes it so right.You have taken control of your health and you know waht is best. Where in FL are you all going to be? I think the warm sun and the beach will be a wonderful place to heal! I am wishing the Happiest New Year for you and your family! You all are in my thoughts and prayers. I feel blessed to have met you at Hamilton and Annettes wedding!Joan Williams
ReplyDeleteThought I'd let you know about Don Imus (of Imus in The Morning fame). He was diagnosed with prostate cancer over a year ago. All the doctors told him to get radiation. He didn't want to because of the number of prostate cancer patients who ended up either impotent or slightly incontinent or both. He flew around the country and talked to several expert specialists including Dean Ornish - the diet/cardiac specialist.
ReplyDeleteFinally, he decided to change only his diet and excercise regimen. He is eating lots of chinese herbs and vegetables, medicinal teas and I don't know what else. His wife, a health food "nut" has done extensive research and is both controlling and cataloguing his diet. They are purposely not talking about his specific regimen because they don't want to affect listeners' decisions until they are sure of the outcome. But,so far his prostate numbers continue to decline and he is more than a little optimistic that he will "beat" the cancer solely by altering his diet.
I'm not saying everyone can do this, but I think there is something to be said for a) self rejuvenation and b) quality of life.
I'm sure, if you persisted, you could reach his wife, Dierdre Imus. She is a bigwig at The Hackensack Medical Center in Hackensack, NJ. On a one-to-one basis, she might be willing to tell you whaat his regimen is.
In the meantime, just thinking about Florida in January is making me feel better.
A word, too, to Tony. Partners are always the hardest working and the least recognized. So, thanks, tony, for all your advocacy and partnership with Vicki. It's a hard job that it reads like you are handling extraordinarily well.
Happy New year.
Betsy Miller
you're so brave. michael and i send our love.
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